hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
