If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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