I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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