I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
false alarm. still invincible.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
