NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
