He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
