I will die if light touches me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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