I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?