I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY