I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
