is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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