Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
