I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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