Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
