Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
