So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
