hotel room ftw
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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