I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
