: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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