He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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