The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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