so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
