Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
