i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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