i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
