Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
