I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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