I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
