Your mouth is God's brothel.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
