When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
