i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
