Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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