Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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