yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize