I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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