I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
