im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
