i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
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Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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