Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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