garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
