No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
