You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
