i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
