WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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