What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
