so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
