I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
