why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
