Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
