I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
