Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
