I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
