All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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