worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
