I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
