If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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