is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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