Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
