You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
