Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
