this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
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yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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