And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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