Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
