I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
tell me about the eggs
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
