just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
