The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
