You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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