I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
