also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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