What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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