i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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