Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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