I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
