OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
