Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
