What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
