There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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